Monday, 29 September 2014

My genuine application to become the manager of my beloved Newcastle United.

Dear Mr Ashley,

I am writing to formally apply for the manager's job at your club. I don't have much experience as a football manager, but if you accept my application, I will do ANYTHING you want me to do.

You can control player transfers, the team, the substitutes, the reserves, the formation, the tactics and anything else. You can even choose what I wear, and what I say at press conferences. Also, you haven't got to pay me either. I will work for free. This will enable your fair, moral and just business to generate more profits. It will also make you a lot richer.

Put me on a 23 year contract if you wish. I will take the blame when everything goes wrong (because the fans are that stupid they will think it's really my fault). Then if the results don't go my/your way, you can then sack me to please the loyal supporters.

I believe I'm the best candidate for the job, my honourable friend. My skills are as follows:

I can follow instructions.
I can answer any question, even if the answer has nothing to do with the topic.
I don't like Geordies (nor do you so we're in the same boat).
I don't really care how we do on the pitch, as long as we're making money off it.

I hope this is good enough for you, sir.

Oh, one last skill,

I'm great at kissing the arse of my previous employer. He's a huge, immoral, sad cockney *******. I'm sure that will come in handy at some stage.

I will look forward to your reply.


Liam Lavery.

Monday, 31 March 2014

The Death Penalty: Just simply immoral.

Killing any individual, for whatever reason, for is completely and utterly wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a "lawful" killing or an unlawful killing, the simple fact of taking someone else's life is totally despicable.

Rape, Murder and Arson are examples of heinous crimes committed day in day out throughout the world. Thousands of innocent people are deliberately killed weekly. But killing the perpetrators just definitely is not the answer in helping to prevent these crimes. Jail them for life (and by life, i mean life) if necessary. People argue against that idea by saying it costs far too much money to keep people behind bars for decades. I disagree for two reasons. Firstly, and fundamentally, a single human life is worth more than any amount of money. And secondly, the amount of money required to murder someone using the death penalty is still excruciatingly high. A report from the US has shown that the amount of money spent on the death penalty from 1978-2012 was in excess of $4 billion in California alone. The same report has reported that it cost $186 million for five executions in Maryland*. The "cost argument" is non existent. The real issue is morality.

The Death Penalty Information Centre in the US has produced figures that shows murder rates in "death penalty states" and in "non-death penalty states". Year on year from 1991 to 2011 the murder rate in "death penalty states" has been significantly higher than those in "non-death penalty states". The argument that the death penalty will prevent people from committing heinous crimes is also non existent.

For me, the idea of killing anyone for any reason is simply immoral.

People frequently ask me how I'd feel and what I'd do if someone murdered a member of my family. I'd feel exactly the same as everyone else. However, I wouldn't want the person dead. I'd hate the individual with a passion, but death? Not for me.

Comment with your opinions!


Note: It would be interesting to see how many British MPs actually agree with the death penalty.

*this info is from

Sunday, 16 February 2014

The current state of NUFC: In less than 500 words.

Life as a Newcastle supporter would be much better if we had Freddie Shepherd back. I can't actually believe I've just said that, but you know what? It's true.

I never thought I'd see the day when a Football Club chairman/owner didn't aspire to be in Europe or compete with the best in the league. Instead, he'd rather sit in a mid table position, above the bottom three and below the top seven. The recent dip in form is music to Ashley's ears. You can see the £££ signs flashing in his eyes.

Masses and masses of Newcastle fans were elated when they heard the news that Joe Kinnear had been sacked. Why? It means absolutely nothing. Firstly, Kinnear did nothing. Secondly, and more importantly, this sacking was just a stunt by Ashley to try and keep the fans happy. Every single move this man makes is a con. 

Moving on to Pardew, I really don't like him as a manager or a man. But that's not the point. He's just a puppet controlled by Ashley. Everything Ashley says, Pardew delivers. It wouldn't make a difference at all if he was to be sacked. The problem with Newcastle is not the manager, but the owner. It's pointless sacking Pardew. The replacement would just be another puppet controlled by Ashley the Authoritarian. 

Authoritarian you may wonder? Banning local journalists to a press conference in October last year was Hitleresque. It was totally unacceptable. Propaganda you may say, well, I would.

If you're thinking "he's balanced the books, that's the priority", then I couldn't disagree with you more. Look at Manchester United and Barcelona. They are in debt, huge debt. Will they ever fold or go into administration. No. So next time we're getting beat 3-0 against Sunderland, just think, is this really great because we are "financially stable"?

So Mike, apart from everything else you're doing a fabulous job. I mean teaming up with Wonga was a great move. It is a really nice company, who aren't loan sharks or anything and who don't prey on the most vulnerable. Can you smell the sarcasm?

I just don't know when the NUFC fans are going to realise what has happened here and do something about it. I really don't want to know what's going to happen next. But hey, Mike, selling our best player a couple of days before the biggest game of the season was extremely wise.

I could honestly go on and on for days.. 

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Fascism. Racism. No place in football.

You can not be a Fascist without being a Racist. So when i heard the quote "I'm not racist, i'm a Fascist", i didn't quite understand what Paolo Di Canio meant. I'm not quite sure if Di Canio understands what Fascism is. But then again, why would he have a full back tattoo of one of the most infamous Fascist leaders in history if he doesn't understand the concept? You cannot be a Fascist one day and then the next turn into to someone unaffiliated with politics. Doesn't work like that.

The sad thing about this whole story is that Di Canio is actually extremely likeable. If he wasn't a Fascist, i'd really like him.  But since he has publicly admitted being a Fascist and also did the extreme Right-Wing Salute in front of Thousands of Lazio* supporters, he has lost all my respect.

People say "we shouldn't cross politics and football". Well that's absolute nonsense. Does that mean we should just let Racists, Fascists, Sexists etc.. operate in the game? No we shouldn't AT ALL. Remember the campaign "Show Racism The Red Card"? That was set up in order to kick racism out of football. Paolo Di Canio is a Racist. Work out the equation.

By the way, the only reason i am writing this blog about Di Canio now is because i didn't actually realise he was a self-confessed Fascist when he was at Swindon. It only came to my attention (and everyone elses) when he came to SAFC. It's not me being bias, i just don't like racism and fascism.

I was at the NUFC vs SAFC game today and the best team won by an absolute mile. Newcastle were horrific. A tiny, tiny minority of both sets of fans were a disgrace, not everyone (remember that!). After the game, a handful of NUFC fans were rather anti-social in the streets and during the game lit flares were thrown into the NUFC crowd by the away supporters. That's dangerous and too far.

*LAZIO: at the time they'd never had a black player in years. Also, accused their rivals (Roma) of being "Team of blacks followed by Jews". Di Canio's friends have branded him as a "True Fascist" and someone who has had a "huge impact" on football hooliganism with his political ideas. (ITV)


Fascism:  "A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of nationalism and racism."

Racism: "Prejudice or discrimination directed against someone of a different race based on such a belief"

Mussolini (Di Canio has a full back tattoo of this man) - Believed to have killed over a quarter of a million people. 

Hilter - Believed to have killed over 12 million people.

Franco - Over 30,000 people.

To conclude, this isn't an attack on SAFC. It's an attack on racism and fascism. If Paolo Di Canio actually apologised for his previous comments (also, tell us what he meant) and explained his tattoo to us all, i may change my views on him.

Liam Lavery.

Monday, 11 March 2013

He is human..

Mr Barton is probably one of the most controversial footballers of all time, but is he really as bad as what people make him out to be?

When you mention his name to someone who has no idea about football, they say "AHH, is that the one who put a cigar out in someones eye?", "AHH, is that the one who's brother murdered someone?" or even "AHH, that scumbag". If that's the reply i get when i say his name, i reply with a simple "no". Here's some small paragraphs for you to think about..

If you look at Mr Barton's life, you'll see that he's done some absolutely despicable things. But, who hasn't? Think about it, have you ever done something you regret? Something you wish never happened? If you're thinking no, then you're lying. What would you do if those "despicable things" were published on the front page of every single newspaper in the UK? I'm sure you'd be upset, i'm sure you'd think "I am human, i do make mistakes".

Mr Barton, in my opinion, is an easy target. If he receives a red card it's as though he's murdered someone; If he gets two footed, he dived; If he swears at the referee, he will receive a red card. An 8 game ban for kneeing someone. Really? Can someone please remind me what LS got for being a racist on the pitch? Honestly, it's as though the world is against him. Is it honestly deserved?

Don't get me wrong, my opinions on Mr Barton change from time to time. I used to love the bloke. He then moved to London and thought he was a Philosopher from the Enlightenment and thought he was a member of The Smiths. The riots he causes on twitter are brilliant. Why do people bite? They still do it. From the wrong "your" to "Beliebers" going berserk.

Some would say that Mr Barton is an inspiration to certain groups of people or "he's a changed man". He was once an alcohol lover, a keen fighter and just a troublemaker in general. But look at him now? He hasn't caused bother in a long, long time. Can people who were in a similar condition look at him and think, "I can make that change too"? Think about it, it's interesting.

Do you know someone who has won a fight? Do you know someone who winds many people up? Do you know someone who expresses their opinions freely? Do you know someone who lives their life the way they want to? You will do. That's exactly what Mr Barton is. Just because he's famous and well known it doesn't mean he's worse. Does it? "He's supposed to be a role model" - Look at the previous paragraph.

I like Joey Barton. I'm not saying i like everything he's done, but i like him as a man. He's changed from the "thug" stereotype, he's fighting campaigns for Hillsborough, he say's what he thinks (some i completely disagree with), and he's just a normal bloke (Definitely not a member of The Smiths or a Philosopher from the Enlightenment).

Take a step back from the all the hatred towards him, and see if you agree with me. Even if it's a tiny bit.

PS: I know for a fact that just about everyone who reads this will disagree with my opinion, but hey, i am entitled to my opinion. Please comment with your opinions too, i'm sure you agree with some of the things i say. (ish)